Remodeling America's Bathrooms

Eureka!  I have found the solution to America's bathroom problem.  With all the fake problems in America today (economy, unemployment, terrorism, for example) the real issue is the bathroom crisis that the transgenders amongst us are experiencing.  It's appalling, really.

So, I've been putting my considerable brain power to work on the problem.  After an exhausting matter of seconds, I've cracked the code.

See, what's needed is a bathroom where everyone, no matter how narrowly specific their needs may be, can feel comfortable.

So, we start with one bathroom for everyone.  All races, all genders, all sexual orientations.  Got it.

Now for the gender divisions.  It gets sticky here because how we divide the rest is complicated by the terms.  Let's take the example of a transgender.  What do we really mean by the term?  Say that a guy feels like he (she?) is really a girl inside.  Is he (she?) transgender?  Some would say yes, but others would say that, if he has boy-parts, he is still a boy, albeit with something of an identity crisis.  It's a bit confusing.

And what about race?  What if a Hispanic is uncomfortable being around Whites, Asians, or Blacks?  They should really have their own bathroom, don't you think?  Same goes for Whites, Asians, and Blacks.

Of course, there may be Asians who are uncomfortable with other Asians, so we need a One-Asian-At-A-Time (OAAAT) restroom where other races are welcome.  But there's the gender problem as well.  That means that there should be a OAAAT restroom to account for all of the gender variations.  Pre-Surgery Trans-Gender, Post-Surgery Trans-Gender, No Trans-Gender, Only Trans-Gender.  There may be others, but you get the general idea.  You can plainly see that there should be the same thing for Hispanics, Whites, and Blacks as well.

Of course, many of us wouldn't want to share facilities with a democrat or a republican, so each category must be tripled so that there can be a uni-political party, a dem only, and a rep only bathroom.

But, it doesn't stop there, no.  On the republican side, there are the Trumpers, the Never-Trumpers, and the Used-To-Be-A-Never-Trumper-But-Am-Now-OK-With-Trump-Since-He-Beat-Hillary-ers.  So that's another multiplier.  There has to be three of all of the other categories just to account for these.

On the democratic side, there's the Hillary-ers, and the Berners.  All of them are in the Never-Trump group, but they are a subset of that group.  Holy Moly.  Now the math gets uber complicated.

Environmentalists don't like pee next to lumberjacks, and vice-versa.  Have to factor them in.

Of course, what "save the whale" enthusiast would want to sit on the other side of a partition from a Japanese whaler?

I worked this all out and sent it to Wiki-Leaks.  It'll be published soon, I'm sure.

The final tabulation is that each public facility needs to have 2,733 bathrooms to allow for all to be in complete comfort while they shake the dew off the lilies.

It seems like a simple, elegant solution to a nasty problem.

It sure beats the alternative of being restricted to peeing in a urinal if you have boy-parts and sitting if you have girl-parts.  Only two bathrooms?  Preposterous.

Standing while I mark my territory,

TheCurmudgeon